Tuesday Blues

THE MISSING RIB – A Love Story

I think it was in 2004 when he sent me this story. I remembered crying while reading the story of the “Missing Rib” because I felt the story was OUR story. It was so ‘me and him’. But that was five years ago, and I tore the paper with the story the day I finally decided to end our marriage.I tore it five years ago.

And looking back, I have no regrets because I feel better being alone.  There are times when I feel melancholic but I always try to rise above the sad feeling. I don’t want my idea of happiness to depend on my need to have someone with me. I am scared of finding myself dependent on someone – especially on a man. The thought makes me feel so pathetic – not that it’s pathetic to have a man.  But I think while some people find themselves sharing happiness with someone, there are several people who are better off alone. Happily alone and I want to be one of those people.

The Missing Rib speaks of giving and accepting what you have TODAY. But I’m tired of the mediocrity that TODAY has for me…

A girl in love asked her boyfriend.

Girl: Tell me. Who do you love most in this world?
Boy: You, of course!
Girl: In your heart, what am I to you?
Boy: The boy thought for a moment and looked intently in her eyes and said, “You are my rib. It was said that God saw that Adam was lonely, during his sleep, God took one of Adam’s rib and created Eve. Every man has been searching for his missing rib, only when you find the woman of your life, you’ll no longer feel the lingering ache in your heart.”

After their wedding, the couple had a sweet and happy life for a while.However, the youthful couple began to drift apart due to the busy schedule of life and the never-ending worries of daily problems, their life became mundane.All the challenges posed by the harsh realities of life began to gnaw away their dreams and love for each other. The couple began to have more quarrels and each quarrel became more heated.

One day, after the quarrel, the girl ran out of the house. At the opposite side of the road, she shouted, “You don’t love me!”

The boy hated her childishness and out of impulse, retorted, “Maybe, it was a mistake for us to be together! You were never my missing rib!”

Suddenly, she turned quiet and stood there for a long while. He regretted what he said but words spoken are like thrown away water, you can never take it back. With tears, she went home to pack her things and was determined in breaking-up.

Before she left the house, “If I’m really not your missing rib, please let me go.” She continued, “It is less painful this way. Let us go on our separate ways and search for our own partners.”

Five years went by…
He never remarried but he had tried to find out about her life indirectly. She had left the country and back. She had married a foreigner and divorced. He felt anguished that she never waited for him.In the dark and lonely night, he lit his cigarette and felt the lingering ache in his heart. He couldn’t bring himself to admit that he was missing her.

One day, they finally met. At the airport, a place where there were many reunions and good byes. He was going away on a business trip. She was standing there alone, with just the security door separating them. She smiled at him gently.

Boy: How are you?
Girl: I’m fine. How about you? Have you found your missing rib?
Boy: No.
Girl: I’ll be flying to New York in the next flight.
Boy: I’ll be back in 2 weeks time. Give me a call when you are back. You know my number. Nothing has changed.

With a smile, she turned around and waved good bye.
Good bye…

One week later, he heard of her death. She had perished in New York, in the event that shocked the world.Midnight, once again, he lit his cigarette. And like before, he felt the lingering ache in his heart. He finally knew. She was the missing rib that he had carelessly broken.

Sometimes, people say things out of moments of fury. Most often than not, the outcome could be disastrous and detrimental. We vent our frustrations 99% at our loved ones. And even though we know that we ought to “think twice and act wisely”, it’s often easier said than done .
Things happen each day, many of which are beyond our control. Let us treasure every moment and everyone in our lives.

Tomorrow may never come. Give and accept what you have today.

I am a masochist.

I will not argue.

I admit.

!

And I hate it when things end

this way:

your way.

COLOR QUIZ EXAM

I took a color quiz exam and here’s the result of my exam:

Your Existing Situation

“Is lazy when it comes to further herself or her career and lacks the ambition to change things. Does not like to put to much effort into things, except sexual activity. she would rather feel comfort and security, than success.”

Your Stress Sources

Feels she is stuck in a situation in which she cannot control and is unable to obtain the sense of acceptance she desires. she is unwilling to place herself completely in the hands of others; and is avoiding hopeless conditions and disappointing relationships. Feels something is missing from her life and is becoming impatient in trying to discover what is missing. she is restless and instable due to her urge to escape the current state she is in.

Your Restrained Characteristics

“Has high emotional expectations and desires to be the center of attention, which makes it difficult to find a satisfying relationship. her reserved, cautious nature makes her emotionally distant. “

His arrogance causes her to take offense quickly. Only those closest to her know deep down she is sensitive and sentimental.

Your Desired Objective

Alert and very observant. Always looking for new opportunities which offer freedom and the hope of making the most of them. Looking to prove herself and be recognized for her for her achievements. Feels separated from others and constantly trying to bridge that gap.

Your Actual Problem

“Fears she will be held back from achieving things she really wants, leading her to search endlessly for satisfaction and become involved in activities which are pointless.”

Your Actual Problem #2

“Feeling anxious and restless frustration toward current situation or unfulfilled emotional requirements are causing stress. she feels misunderstood, used, and anxious. she strives to search for new relationships or environment, in the hope they may offer her happiness and peace of mind.”

i still think about you.

there are days when i seldom think about you. but that’s not good enough because i still think about you.

trying not to think about you is like trying not to breathe. why do i feel so weird now that i want you away from me?  everything about us is a contradiction between reason and desire. i can’t be with you but i want you. i don’t want you to stay any longer but i miss you whenever you’re gone. i want you but it’s not enough for me to be in love with you.

Pinks is singing, “Please don’t leave me. ” I want you to hear her singing because I can’t sing the song for you. i’m not meant to sing it for you. it’ll break the rules.

…i wonder where you’ll be

i wish my world will just stop revolving around you. i wish my thoughts will just skip most parts about you. and then i think – just maybe – there will be no YOU in me.

then, i can come home anytime of the day and not be reminded of you…

i can sleep in my bed without smelling you on my pillows, on my sheets, on my skin…

i can come home and turn-off the lights without seeing your silhouette next to me…

i can listen to any songs at any time of day and not sing them to you…

i can party with my friends and not see you in the crowd…

i can close my eyes and never see you smile…

i wish my world will just stop revolving around you. and when it stops, i wonder where you’ll be.

I’m In Love With the Wrong Pair of Shoes

i don’t know why i keep on coming back to you.

even when I’ve made up my mind not to see you, i end up opening my door, letting you in.

and when you leave, i feel that same pang of guilt and regret. I feel guilty for betraying myself. I am regretful for ALWAYS letting you in.

every time i hate you, I find myself hating myself more.

I hate myself more because I know I’m too weak to let you go.

you’re like an attractive pair of shoes that never FITS my feet. you are beautiful but forcing you to fit my feet is painful.

but still i try. so hard. until my feet bleed or until you get broken. but knowing me, i know i would never allow you to be more broken than what you are now. knowing me, i’d rather bleed until you fit. until we fit.

it’s sad.

this is a lonely story.

but i’m just in love with the wrong pair of shoes.