Monday Rant

This morning I have decided that I am tired of being who I am right now.  I miss my old self.

I miss the lady who partied every night, got drunk every night, and didn’t care about the world!

I miss the lady who didn’t cry a lot.

I miss the lady who never gave a fuck what the world thinks.

I feel that I have become too soft and I don’t like being that way. I hate crying over petty things, crying over the same things every day.

So now, why would I care about what you say?! Why would I listen to all the things that other people are saying when they don’t even know and understand how it is be like me?

Why do I have listen about their people’s advice about loneliness when they haven’t even been lonely before?

Sometimes, I fee l like the world is full of hypocrites.

What Makes the World Go Round?

I am always confident that I can handle  my own craziness. But as often as I am confident is as frequent as my heart is crushed. Finally, I have to admit that in no way am I capable of managing my insanity when it comes to men. I have not learned my lessons well. Or, I just refuse to learn. I am at loss for words and for emotions. However, I do know that I am crazy and foolish.

You don’t have to point out the so-many times I cried because someone broke my heart again. Or the countless times, I thought I was falling in love with someone who has the power to make the butterflies in my stomach flutter every time I see him. I will not count the times I swore never to fall in love because I am never good at keeping my promises – not when it comes to the matters of the heart.

Sometimes, I can bear the sight of ghastly mathematical equations rather than this tormenting feeling of restlessness and self-loathing.  I can’t even look myself in the mirror because I feel so ashamed.

I think I.Q. test should also gauge a person’s capacity to love, or the capacity to understand that love does not make the world go round. Contrary to popular belief, the magnetic fields of the earth make the world go round and NOT LOVE.

Heaven, let me remember that!

Loneliness Is Better When You’re Not Alone

Another song from Hello Saferide.  Read the lyrics.

Loneliness Is Better When You’re Not Alone

What would you say if I asked of you
- out of loneliness, out of loneliness
What would you say if I asked of you
- out of loneliness, out of loneliness
Could I be with you
Can I be with you

It’s warm inside the night club
Your face is lit up by a disco light
I don’t want to go home alone, not tonight
I have a picture of a man who used to sit in that chair
I will go anywhere
Just as long as I’m with someone
You will do, just take me home for tea

If I told you my stories and sang you my songs
Would you laugh at me
Would you pity me
What would you say if I asked of you
Not out of accident, out of loneliness
Would you shelter me
Will you shelter me

I will be gone when you wake up
No awkward breakfasts, I swear
And don’t you look for me, because I could be anywhere
In someone else’s house
In someone else’s arms
With someone else to warm the pain away

What can I ask of you
What would you want from me
What would you say if I just fell asleep

I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT IT’S NOT LOVE

I came across this song while I was trying to post some links in Facebook. I don’t like the melody but I like the lyrics. The song is called “I can’t believe that it’s not love” and it’s by Hello Saferide.

I CAN’T BELIEVE THAT IT’S NOT LOVE

Can I sleep on your shoulder?
Whisper sweet words in my ear.
Can we go out together?
Can we make out and pretend it’s all there?

Cause you know, I’ve been waiting for

something that hasn’t come through

But it might come along soon

And until that, you will do

I can’t believe it’s not love!

I’ll take you to the movies
Yell at you when you’re late
You can sigh when I shower for too long
Hold up the bathroom so that you have to wait
Invite people over for dinner
Make up names for kids we could have had
And when we get drunk, we can get it together
Go home too early, everyone will say we’re sad
I can’t believe it’s not love!
Have white wine parties in the sun
And talk about what it’s going to be like to find someone
I can’t believe it’s not true
And I can’t believe you didn’t know this, too

THIS IS SO UNCOOL

I think it is so uncool for some women to think that it’s ok for their husbands to hit them. The world has to do something about this.

I HOPE IT RAINS HARD

Lately, I’ve been feeling exhausted. I can’t exactly pinpoint what’s exhausting me but I do know – and I’m sure -I’m running so low on emotional power. As of this moment, I feel like I’m an overused laptop running on a reserved back-up power. And I feel so weird. Tired, actually.

Maybe it’s physical exhaustion. Maybe it’s emotional. Or perhaps, it’s both.

Maybe  I need to sleep more. I really need a good night’s sleep so I  can think more clearly and more rationally.

I hope it rains tonight. I hope it rains hard.

Sometimes, I feel like screaming until my lungs burst. I feel like screaming right now.  I am just tired.

I HAVE A NEW HEADER

This is really great!!! Annie, my seatmate, made my blog header and I loooove it!