I WANT MORE INDAY JOKES!

Out of the blue, I remembered the INDAY jokes. I’ve been getting a number of them and I find the jokes really funny. Thanks to Lemski, I have a copy of the Inday jokes now. It’s a repost from a repost actually. But INDAY is really really cool.

The consistency was fine. But you see, it seems that the increased amount of sodium chloride affected the taste drastically and those actions are irreversible. I do apologize.
-nag-eexplain si inday kung bakit maalat ang ulam.

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“Nurture others with positive truthful words, not words that hurt. It doesn’t cost anything to do so. But mean what you say, and say what you mean. Do it everyday. This is one of the most obvious qualities of the most beloved people. If you cannot be generous financially, at least be generous with your words.”
-sagot ni inday sa amo nya na di xa pinautang at minura-mura pa!

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“Ipomea aquatica has become the constant ingredient to this Filipino delicacy which is very helpful in the digestion during the peristaltic process of the food we intake. Due to the continuous rain and floods, the harvest of the said vegetable has lessen the production in the market”
- sagot ni inday samin kung bakit walang KangKong sa nilutong sinigang

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I am solitary. I find it hard to succumb into slumber. Though the downpour of rain should’ve made it easy. This exuberant emotional glue i have for you,cannot be
simply washed away. The multiplicity of what i feel for you is inevitable. This isn’t platonic. It’s real, true romance.
- INDAY, nag eemote sa may bintana, habang iniisip si dodong,ang bf nia..

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“potatoes, wen consumed n der raw state, r rapidly converted 2 glucose dat raises insulin leve;s bcoz of its simple sugar…wen cooked in high temperature lyk french fries, dey produce large amoun of free radicals n d body causing aging, clotting, inflammation, cancer, w8 gai… 1 french fry is worse dan 1 cigarette.
- inday (sagot nya sa amo nung tanungin xa kung bakit di sya nagluto ng french fries)nuritionist din pala si inday

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” I stay awake in the coldness of the darkened sky contemplating why, for some reasons, has my emptiness made itself manifests, extending to that niche where i was given life and growth, that because of austerity i was made separated from….”
-INDAY habang ndi makatulog dahil na-ho-homesick .

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AMO: Inday, ano ginawa mo sa microwave natin at sumabog?

INDAY: Success is often the result of taking misstep in the right direction. Show me a person who has never made a mistake and I’ll show you somebody who has never achieved much.

AMO: Impostora! Lumayas ka dito!

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INDAY: Physical and excessive work may result to serious damage to ones body. It is therefore essential that once in a while we take a break from our usual routine to replenish the lost energy we once had.

*Sabi ni Inday sa Amo nya nung humingi sya ng day off*

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AMO: Inday, bakit mo binenta yung sira na silya?

INDAY: I have computed the chair’s value less cost to sell, and the value in use using projections for 5 years and a pretax discount rate. Accordingly, the value in use is lower, so I decided to sell the chair. This is an accordance with PAS18 on revenue, PAS16 on PPE, and PAS36 on Impairment of Assets.

AMO: *fainted*

Si Inday talaga, accountant din pala!

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“The statute restricts me to love you but you have the provocation. The way you smile is the proximate cause why I love you. We have some rules to think of. We have no vested rights to love each other because the upper household dismissed my petition!”

- ganito nakipagbreak si Inday kay Dodong (driver ng kapitbahay)

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“La vida no es una broma actualmente. El dinero es tan duro de pasar. Puede usted bajar el precio parci mi? Soy ya su compradora avido diario por favor?

- si Inday tumatawad sa merkado ng isinama siya ng amo sa España

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“Heavy fire exerted by the stimulus affected the best conductor of heat which is the steel,causing the Oriza Sativa to change it’s state of color,smell as well as the taste.”
-sagot ni inday ng tanungin siya ng amo kung bakit nasunog ang sinaing.

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Listening to the nonsense talk about someone’s life is a pathetic way of entertainment..it doesn’t contribute to the good of society..i hate character assassinators!..
- reklamo ni inday nang natsismis siya ng kapitbahay. (i love the last line.)

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“You’ll never know wat u have til it’s gone… And once u loose it, u can never get it back….”
-si Inday na isnatchan sa quiapo

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Dear Mom,

Had i not been able to smell the salt, i must have collapsed moments ago. Junior has become a little monster to me. Remember the head accident he had? As if it wasn’t enough, he was summoned by the principal of hil shabilly runned academe. Oh, such an erudite bunch of baboons! I never though being a governess can be such strenuous employ!

Your daughter,

Inday

Dear Inday,
Walanghiya ka! Magpadala ka ng pera! Nasa ospital ang nanay mo, dumugo ang ilong pagkabasa ng pesteng sulat mo!
–TATAY

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Drunken shrimp and blue lobster meat with caviar served with milagrosa rice (red variety) and apricot sauce..
Vegetables in balsamic vinegar splashed with extra virgin olive oil ..
Lychee and peach salad with sour cream and cream cheese topped with lemon zests..
—mga baon ni junjun sa daycare na inihanda ni Inday.

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Ich bin jetzt berühmt geworden dürch diesen Pexer.Mach weiter so,das gefällt mir!!!
(naging sikat ako ngayon gawa ng pexer,pagpatuloy ninyo gusto ko yan)
Si Inday marunong din pala maggerman!!

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“I believe that my trained skills and expertise in management with the use of standard tools, and my discipline and experience will contribute significantly to the value of the work that you want, my creativity, productivity and work-efficiency and the high quality of outcomes I can offer will boost the work progress.”

-sagot ni Inday sa interview ng bago niyang amo!
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“Compromising safety with useless aesthetics, the not-so-well engineered architectural design of our kitchen lavatory affected the boy’s cranium with a slight boil at the left temple near the auditory organ.”
- sagot ni Inday nang tanungin ng amo kung bakit may bukol si Junior.

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“Bloody hell!!! What the f*ck did just landed on my cutie top? I mean I’ve spent all day just to make myself look fabulous. I think I’ll have this eewy thing removed in a whip wham of time!”

- reaction ni Inday nung natalsikan sya ng mantika habang nagluluto ng tilapia
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“Off you go! Under no circumstance this house would relent to such unabashed display of vagrant destitution! “

- si Inday, pinapaalis ang makulit na pulubi sa gate… (Taray talaga ni Inday!)

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Donya: Bakit tuwing paguwi ko, nadadatnan kitang nanunuod ng tv?!
Inday: Because I don’t want you to see me doing absolutely nothing.

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“It’s absurd! It was never a fact that he will inflict a fight. I can only imagine how you handle schizophrenic kids on this educational institution. Revise your policies because they suck!”
- Inday, kasama si Junior sa principal’s office.

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Amo: Inday, bakit nagkalat ang basura sa likod ng bahay?!
Inday: A change in the weather patterns might have occurred wrecking havoc to the surroundings. The way the debris are scattered indicates that the gust of wind was going northeast causing damage to the path it was heading for.
Amo: (nosebleed)

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“Stop your raucous behavior. It is bound to result in property damages and if that happens there will be corresponding punishment to be inflicted upon you!”
- si Inday, pinagbabawalan ang mga bata na maglikot.

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“Sometimes, people choose to leave not because of selfish reasons but because they just know that things will get worse if they’ll stay. Leaving can be a tough act, and it’s harder when people can’t understand you for doing so.”

- sagot ni Inday kung bakit umalis si Angel Locsin sa GMA 7. (i also love this one!)

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“Allergens triggered the immune response. Eosinophilic migration occurs to the reaction site and release of chemotactic and anaphylotoxin including histamine and prostaglandins. These substance results to increase circulation to the site promoting redness.”

- sagot ni inday nun tanungin ni sir kung bakit may rashes si Junior

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Did it ever occur to you that the ultraviolet rays of the idiot box can bring harmful radiation to the retinal area? It could lead to blurred vision, worse, permanent blindness?

- pinagalitan ni inday si junior sa sobrang lapit manood ng kokey! (wahahahaha!)

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“To forrestall further hopes of acquaintance, my unfathomable statement to the denial of your request. Petition denied.”
- reply ni Inday nang i-text ni dodong kung pwede sya maging txtmate.

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Amo: Inday bumili ka nga ng mga isda, ay oo nga pala, inglesera ka na ngayon, would you please buy many fishes for this week’s meals?

Inday: Judging by your statement, I believe you meant a variety of fish. The term fishes though rarely used, connotes a plethora of different kinds of the said gilled aquatic creatures. But the most pressing question before I go to the wet market would be: what type of fish? Fillet or not? Frozen or fresh? (pauses) Ahh…given the meager budget afforded by this household’s quasi-peasant class taste, I assume I shall source the staple “galewng-gong“. Yes?

Amo: Eh kung mag-empake ka na kaya?!

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Thank you for calling. This is Indigh. How can I provide you world class service today?

- Inday. Nag-call center na. Finally!! ====================================

“Don’t limit my capacity in the 4 corners of this luxurious abode. Expose me to the real challenges of the outside world. I want to grow as an individual with dynamic experiences.”

- Inday, nagrereklamo dahil ayaw isama sa Enchanted Kingdom.

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“i pity you for you have degraded you’re very own pride and dignityby resorting to this despicable behavior just for wealth. and i hope tha one day you’ll realize that you should not use humans as means of your ends. as what the great philosopher Kant uttered, “treat a man as an end in himself”.! – sagot ni inday sa holdaper na nanghoholdap sa kanya.

Shut up,because if you don’t, the bullet in this gun will rest upon your empty head! – sagot holdaper - ang sosyal na talaga nila!!!

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Dear Inday,

I’m sorry to inform you that your resignation was denied by the upper management due to your contract of 5 years or make love with the amo clause. We look forward to seeing you tomorrow.

Yours truly,
Ma’am

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Dear Sir/Madam,

Attached herewith is a list of proposed acquisition in line with my proposal to upgrade your household facilities. I have already made initial survey of current market prices. Note however that prices could vary depending on the prevailing exchange rate and aggregate supply and demand which we also monitor on an hourly basis.

- si inday, nagpapaalam bumili ng bagong electric fan
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How dare u 2 insinuate such intolerable act of abusing our nature from a mere scrap of humanity such as u. F u further insist, il b forced 2 use my mental and physical capabilities just 2 pulverize u!

– Litanya ni inday nung may nagtapon ng balat ng kendi s tapat ng bhay ng amo nya. Nagmamaldita tlaga ang lola m!ü

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Hell is a place with big houses, luxurious cars, grate tasting dishes and nonstop parties.

And Heaven?

It’s only a small room with nothing in it…but YOU….

-message ni inday para kay dudung sa kanilang 1st monthsary

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Amo:Inday ano ulam natin? Darating n sir mo.

Inday:Due to the infrequent mass media coverage around hogcholera, I’d consequently given a judgement on sauteing exquisite scallops in unsalted butter together w/ pungent white onion & tossed it w/ brisk asparagus. I’d also assented to twist it w/ fresh lemonzest & advance its taste via blending a petty amount of chardonay whitewine as well as a cup of viscous cream.

Amo:(napatumbling)

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Sometimes, we fall in love and thought that it would be endless, we thank God for it.. but when someone comes and to make life better, what can we ask God then? You know what, I would ask God to make me love again… and this time.. make it permanent..

- Sinabi ni Inday sa kanyang sarili ng iwan siya ni Dodong.

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What separates men from animals is his ability to talk and express his feelings. History has told us to fight when our right to communicate and self-expression is suppressed. If you don’t like what I say, the way I say it, or the manner I do it, I apologize. But don’t hinder me from practising my inherent right.

- Sagot ni Inday ng mahuling nakikipagchismisan sa kapitbahay.

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Much as I would want to indulge in the proliferation of such incident and malicious information, I want to lift the stigma and alleviate society’s perception of our profession. we are not here to thrive on humor but rather, we should engage in objective and top of the line service to our designated employers.

- Inday (tumangging makipagtsismisan sa katulong sa kabilang bahay. Professionalism at its best!)
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I’m still a human being, attracted to anyone my heart beats on, and I have my limitations in controlling my feelings. I have to push myself into not loving him. This is so wrong…

Si Inday na-inlove sa amo. Ibang level na talaga…

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PERSONAL INFORMATION:

Name: Inocencia Binayubay

Nickname: Inday (of course)

Age: 18

Parents: Mang Andoy at Aling Seling

Siblings: Iying – 13, Itoy – 8, Iking: 5

Educ:

College – La Salle Zobel 2nd year (Scholar)

High School: P. Gomez High School (Valedictorian, Best in English)

Elem: Sta. Monica Elem School (Valedictorian, best in dancing)

Kaya pala…it shows!

Work Experience: Household service manager (katulong) – Mr. and Mrs. Matapobre

Died: Sept. 1, 2007 Cause of death: Asphyxia due to strangulation (namatay sa sakal ng amo!)

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If you have more INDAY JOKES please share them with me. Thanks.

MORE INDAY JOKES….

 

~ by 32flavors on September 28, 2007.