my farewell letter

Dearest,

When was the last time I truly said I love you and meant it? It seems like ages ago. There was a time when i know I was crazy, and I had no regrets, because for me, you were then worth the fight. The almost-unending, heartbreaking circumstances erased all other insecurities and doubts, and all that was left was the hope that we can perhaps give each other another chance and relive our lives the best way that we can–still grow up together.

But it isn’t the case, and my fear is that it might never be. We’ve grown apart so fast, and the world that divides us never fails to continuously separate us. I was never the same when you left. You’ve made me a better person, and I’ve made for myself this little space I can call my own–but without you there.

I no longer love you like a girl would feel for a man. I care for you like a friend who’s willing to be there for someone who’s desperately in need. I will always be your yaby whom you can talk about your father, your job, your future plans, your angst, your pain. But I can never be your yaby that you can hold, you can kiss, you can hug, you can keep forever in your heart; for I cannot guarantee that I can also do the same thing to you.

We need to move on and try to live the lives we’ve been living before this. But always remember, the road is long, and who knows? somewhere there we will then be ready. We will always know when the right time is, for we can feel it. By then, we will no longer be afraid. We’ve grown; we’ve moved on.

But if destiny doesn’t hold anything for us, then we have to accept the fact that we might belong to somebody else. And I know I will be happy for you, for you deserve no one else but someone who can be your perfect partner all throughout your life.

I miss you. But I don’t love you–for now.

Lemski

~ by 32flavors on August 10, 2006.